i started a new job today.  Chocolate!  My new job is chocolate.  It's december and I work at a chocolate shop.  And I work with about a dozen awesome girls.  All is well.

I told some of my new coworkers that I used to be very religious but am not religious at all now.  One of them asked, "So how come you're not religious anymore?"  And she stumped me.  No one has asked me that yet.  I told her I'd have to think about that and get back to her.

So now I'm sitting and I'm thinking.  With my religiously forbidden glass of whiskey. 

I'm not religious anymore because:
I no longer believe in religion. 
I no longer believe in belief systems. 
I no longer believe in anything but what feels true in my own heart at each moment, and the universe updates me accordingly.
I'm not religious anymore because I woke up from my mother's illusions and found God to be nowhere and everywhere and it's all the same.

On July 1st 2011I lost my 2nd Santa Fe job.  And I took some time to think.  To sit in the 3rd room I'd rented in the past 2 months, and think.  I finally had space to think. 

i think i thought
a pocket full of rot
just a minute let me jot
a little lot about my thought

oh me oh my
there's a needle in my eye
crossed my heart and hoped to die
but i really meant it at the time

oooooooooooooooooooooooo
stop.

stop this.
waste.

waste.
waste,
waste,
waste:
waste of, wasted, wasting, waste.
waste of time. waste a dime
he, she, it is wasting by
by..
bye.
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

oh me oh my
there's much to do before i die
i don't know why i watch the sky
even if i could i wouldn't fly

sooooooooooooooooooooooooo
late
please wait
i know i am a little late
caught my stocking
while i was docking
can't you make a little space?

no

over and over
i ask you to move over
clean the dishes for my wishes
be such a shame to watch them drain
go home
go roam
what's a matter need a phone
hold the line, where's your dime
i know you meant it at the time

FAILLITE

(in school today i learned: the french word for bankruptcy is faillite.)

Such a lite way to fail/ only half way to fall
to the edge of the earth and i ask "is this all?"
never ever woulda thought, a line could be a single dot
inside my eyes i hunt for hearts, tear drops, tundra, and notions of art

such a dry piano, could icicles be
a musical instrument or a medium of art?
how many colors of white might there be.  what color would i be without the light that gods shine on me.
how many women sing prayers in my hair while drunk marching minutemen throw forks in the air?   in the dark they make marks, scars, stains and parks in these parts i’ve never seen, and territories i’ve never been. 
valves and screws, plumlines and holes
pretty simple corks fail monumental roles
i wish i could piss
i wish i could fart
i wish i could tear
my whole self apart
i wish i was a sun
i wish i was a star
i wish i was something
very very far
across the sky
around the bush
3rd house on the right
is a button i can’t push

Cry. Stop. Her.

Cry.   Stop.   Her.

Just one more time with feeling

I coulda been you

I thought  that you knew

I coulda been all of

The lace in your shoes

.. ..

Wiggle and hop

Hobble and stop

Horrible acts and  mistakes in the plot

Trip on a rock, I hope it don’t stop

Don’t say i'd do better

if I wrote you a letter

.. ..

Mending and bending the whole in our time

Coping, disrobing and groping a crime

Morbidly washing all sins in a bath

With crooked bones, i took it home

to meditate upon, and on

.. ..

supply and demand

all worms in their cans

I wish you were here

just to hold my hand 

I know its not right

to fight for such flights

of fancy and things that went bump in the night

.. ..

but I will hold on tight.  

Lest i say goodnight 

to a thousand big dreams 

bidding for the wrong team

mischief is mine.  

I shoulda made a sign.

.. ..

Alert and take caution.

may contain poison . and

some animals bite before saying goodnight

Tuck them in very tight . it may be a long night.

.. ..

Watching for bandits I covet the land

Of potatos tomatoes and men with their hands

Mourning the morning and selling the rest

Fish bakes and outtakes. I’m ready to rest

Be true and be tried.  go in with the tide.

Doesn’t matter what I friend on my way from that place 

courageous with waste, but i couldn't keep pace

Baby baby I’ll say it to your pocket 

I always did wish I could plug you in my socket

Surreptitious and suspicious, he said, 

she said, we’re out of line

This world goes by and quickly. and we all have forever

Forever and ever to change with the weather

I’ll pray for you always.  You , boy from my dream

I’ll grow up.  You’ll shut up.  And we’ll both leave this scene

What Muffins Say When Muffins Sigh

What Muffins Say When Muffins Sigh

a million miles from never baby ain't too far away
just close those eyes
and click those heels
and you'll know what to say

crimson berries melt on top
to drop would be an awful thought
what muffins say when muffins sigh
no one knows except that guy

who's building cupcakes with his hand
i thought myself his greatest fan
but vermons come and bakers go
what came of him nobody knows

From Easter To Halloween...

Tomorrow's Horoscope

At this time you may have to strive very hard to get anywhere but if so, your goals when you do reach them will be more permanent and far reaching. If you are unclear about what you are doing in some area, this is a good time to look inside yourself to find out what you really want to do. You should not and probably cannot move until you are clear about your objectives. In examining yourself, you may discover hitherto unknown psychological forces that you can use to gain your ends. A considerable change in self-understanding may be one consequence of this influence. If you are at all clear about your purpose, this influence should assure you of success in any undertaking that you become involved in now. Proceed full steam ahead and do not worry. Just avoid stepping upon other people's toes unnecessarily, because that can have dangerous consequences later on.