I had a mystical experience today. At work, I sorta threw my back out again in the way that's becoming all too common nowadays. Minutes after, I was sitting in a chair built for a 3 year old with my hand on my low back saying, "What do you want?"
A few minutes later it was time to wake the children up. I withdrew into that no man's land that I often seem to go to when my back is like this. I felt like I was looking at the children as if thru the wrong end of a telescope. To an onlooker it would seem as though I was sitting right next to them, distributing snack, supervising their play, applying sunscreen to their arms and legs and faces; it would have looked that way. I was defeated and disheartened, counting up the money that I've spent on chiropractic, "It's no wonder I can't afford a new guitar, camera, laptop...." Etcetera.
I took them to the playground. The other classes weren't out yet, it was just me and my class. I sat on a rubber made box containing tricycle helmets and pretended to watch them play. It's my mother's birthday today. I meant to call her at lunch time, but I didn't have enough time. I began slipping further into the despair. "What do you want?!" I asked again.
Suddenly I got a vision of a small child standing behind me and kicking me and punching me as hard as she could. "Who are you?" I asked. She kept kicking me in the back and finally screamed, "Gimme back my mommy!"
I was glad I had on my sunglasses. Something about that image, I cried without restraint for a good 5 minutes. I replayed a memory of lying in bed with my mom when I was very young. We would argue about who loved who more. I would say "I love you a whole closet full." And then she would say "Well I love you a whole house full."
And we would continue to one up each other this way until one of us said "I love you a whole Infinity full!" ...and would win the game.
Then I looked up. I saw Megan, the small blonde child just 2 weeks shy of 4-years-old. She was standing right in front of me on the bridge of the play structure. She looks like I did at her age. I called her over.
I took off the lid of the green rubber made box I was sitting on. I sat on the floor and held it up to my back. It was exactly the height of my spine. I held the lid up firmly against the ground. I instructed her to kick it as hard as she could. Then I put my finger where her shoe had hit and held the box up to my back as I sat on the ground. Exactly. It's the exact place where my low back has hurt for 5 years (L4/L5 region).
Then I had her punch the lid as hard as she could. Again, I held it to my back and again it was just as I thought. The area between my shoulders where I have almost constant pain and tension.
Next I took her over to the far corner of the playground where this would be less likely to be overheard by any parents or teachers. I positioned the lid into the dark and instructed her what to say. I couldn't have cast the part better. With perfect clarity she belts out "GIMme BACK my MOMMY!!!" and kicks the lid with such force that I nearly fell over onto her. Then she looks up at me and asks, "Why are you laughing?" But as she couldn't see my eyes through my sunglasses, she had mistaken my crying for laughing.
Now a whole line of children had formed behind her. Apparently, I had invented the greatest game in the world. So I gave the other children a turn to "kick the monster."
