Today has been the most god awful day and nothing bad even happened! I had nothing to do except a TO DO LIST and I did most of it. The weather was the most over cast, cloudy, rainy, snowy, sleety weather possible. The first half of the day was filled with anxiety and a nagging feeling of guilt and the 2nd half was filled with levels of boredom so ferocious I started to burst into tears of frustration every half-hour but then couldn't even seem to do that. I couldn't even properly burst into tears. It was like this...oh I'd really like to burst into tears and moan and wail while writhing desperately on the carpet but there's not really anything to cry about i'm just stuck in the most impossible nebulous zone...half suspicious that I may be the star of a new internet sitcom....probably one of those dark and dry, existential comedies that I never really enjoy.
Around 7:30 I went down to my apartment complex's year-round heated jacuzzi (something which in this weather seemed absurd enough to springboard me out of my meloncholic-brat-hipster-whiny bitch funk) with my Magic Mic in hand (see picture above) and floated around while singing that new Nicki Minaj song along with some hot tub improv. But not even the fine art of Hot Tub Karaoke could chase away the thoughts of "Where the fuck are my friends?!" and "Do I even have any friends?!" and "Why are you quitting your day job to commit to a life of lonely freelancing? You're just going to be all miserable and crazy...you can't even handle 1 day alone without nearly drowning yourself in a jacuzzi?"
I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What am I thinking?!?! I don't know what I'm doing! I'm don't know what I'm doing! What the hell am I doing!!?
rawrr
ReplyDeleteSounds like you had a miserable day while doing everything right - my worst fear, I think! Good reason for procrastinating, but you didn't! I usually do!
ReplyDeleteQuestion? Did you feel better after you shared the experience? Just wondered.