I mentioned yesterday that I had a rough night at the studio. I took some pictures to document my....my struggle. Documenting something...to me....makes it less horrible. It's comforting. It takes it out of the realm of reality and puts it into the realm of art. Everything is better when it's in the realm of art.
It was still day when I got there. I wasn't feeling so good. I also mentioned yesterday that I have the flu. But I was determined not to let that stop me.
I haven't worked on a painting that wasn't a commissioned portrait in about 2 years! Until last night.
Trying to start a painting is always a bit trepidatious. But lately I've been having real issues with painting. Every time I looked at my big white canvas I thought I would pass out. Maybe that was just the flu though.
I was so scared to get started. There's a very specific feeling that I've had before: it's when I start a new painting....and an hour or so into it...i just know it's wrong....and i know it can't be saved.
And the fear of that feeling, is ....well ...it's scary. I want this to go WELL. I don't want to cry.
But it may not. That's a possibility I have to face. But right now, there's so much potential.
The minute my brush touches it....everything will be different. I feel like I could throw up. But that's probably just the flu.
I wonder when Brenden's gonna be here with my tacos.
How am I going to do this painting in a week? Have I ever done a painting in a week?
Okay I need some music. What the right song to begin a painting to?
Ok...Lykke Li...Melodies And Desires.....okay here i go BIG STROKE OF BLACK AHHH!!!
Chug Chug Chug Puff Puff Puff I think I can I think I can
I get this. I feel like an art mule a lot of the time. Just pulling myself into a workspace and hoping for some genre of genius to strike, and avoiding nausea!
ReplyDeleteMy teacher says that singing is like beautiful throwing up. Do you ever find painting to be like beautiful throwing up?
Yes ....at best it's beautiful throw up....but at worst it's just throw up.
ReplyDeleteI saw the video of your recital....it was really cool. I was like "damn I wish I could sing like that!!"
I actually plan to trade a painting for voice lessons...just as soon as I get done with all this coughing and get my voice back. right now i sound like Marge Simpsons sisters.
You know, I'm in awe of your process and determination. I have art to do - my book, and yet I am so overwhelmed, and pleasantly so I might add, with a ton of stuff and am doing nothing with it. I'm in awe that someone, anyone, can paint a blank canvass. Or write a poem, or a song, or a book, but a canvass the size of that one! I'll just pray for the art to come flowing out! Love you!
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